If Chuck Norris shaves off one of his eyebrows, he doesn't grow a new eyebrow. The eyebrow grows a new Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
At night, the Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Sun Spots? Bruises from when Chuck Norris punched the sun.
Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.
Chuck Norris once had sex in a trailer park. A bit of sperm escaped and landed on a truck. We now know that truck as Optimus Prime.

 

^ HAHAHAHAHAHA NICE

Chuck Norris once met a punch from Mr.T with a round house kick... the developing carnage that ensued nearly destoryed te universe... we now know it as the 80's

 

Oh yeah? Well...

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

What now?

 

-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
-Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
-Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
-Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.


Admit it we are both using Chucknorrisfacts.com for all of this lol

 

Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.
Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his *** and take it.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nealry foolish enough to attack him.


Actually, I'm only using it for a few... :P So there. I'm a fan of Chuck Norris/Vin Diesel jokes. My repertoir is unbeatable!

 

hahahaha great stuff right there. i wanna hear the vin diesel jokes too

 

Same thing, just change the name. Roffles.

This thread has officially become jacked as the Chuck Norris Joke Thread.